loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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