I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
