I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
