k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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