my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
