weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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