I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
