She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
