My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
