I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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