I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
