There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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