So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
