i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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