his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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