So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
