if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
