Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
