Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
