I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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