Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
