I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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