His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
