It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We smell like vodka and hangover
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
