My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
