i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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