You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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