Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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