So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
