addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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