Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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