She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
