2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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