Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
no you cant smoke seaweed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
