Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
