never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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