dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
