Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
