It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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