ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
