he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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