can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
