apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
