You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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