She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
