In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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