I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
