but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
