Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I see more hoeing in ur future
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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