How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
